your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
