Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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