Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
"it" just moved
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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