Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
