maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
