New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
