I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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