you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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