garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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