I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize