sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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