They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
