watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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