My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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