You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
