I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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