I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
