So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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