I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize