There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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