watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
