Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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