At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
