just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
