there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize