Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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