great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
