The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
