I want you more than these girls want KFC
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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