While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
