I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
