; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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