I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
