Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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