you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
