I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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