Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm really busy with my period
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