i need an iv and a liver transplant
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
