I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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