therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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