oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Randomize
