Yo dont text me then not text me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
