we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
