what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
