I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
