highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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