I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
