By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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