I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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