kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
should my penis look like a turkey
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
