rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
