I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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