is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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