He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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