our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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