You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
