Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize