Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
