i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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