My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
