Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
