sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
