My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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