i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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