Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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