Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
