i just made my gag reflex go away.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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