just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
