just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
don't judge my taste in strippers
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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