Moan for me like Helen Keller
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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