Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize