if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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