You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
