just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
