OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
