My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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