why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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