let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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