put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
