I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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