Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
