I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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