you didnt know i had herpes?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
