I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize