And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
