he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize