Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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