Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
