Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
