WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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