I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
