What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
