I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
