I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
