I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
