Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize