Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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