I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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