Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
