Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
