sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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