I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize