We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
