Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Still dying that you shit outside
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize