were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
