Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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