is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You pole danced in your parka.
i've created a new STD.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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